As our adoption continues to progress at a pretty decent pace (we are at the top of the list now for a referral), sometimes my heart has tried betraying me into thinking,
“Can you really do this?”

“Are you sure the timing is right?”

Fear has attempted to cripple me more than once. There have been numerous times I have started a post to share an update, but left it incomplete. How do I share of what I do not yet know?

All I know right now is anticipation, timeline,s and lots of paperwork. Actually, it reminds me a lot of being pregnant. The emotions are quite similar. There’s excitement yet uncertainty. God has already moved in unexpected ways but His peace is so great, we know it’s Him.

My years of learning patience have seemed to pay off in this process. I don’t have any anxiety or impatient notions toward the process at all. I’m sure that’s in part to the fact that I have five children already and they keep me pretty busy as it is.

It’s funny–I think our mentality is quick to think that we are “rescuing some poor child from impoverished conditions”, but honestly? I think it is so much more than that. A person’s material possessions is not what makes them rich or poor. Perhaps I’m the one who’s actually poor. Maybe these children will actually be saving me from something? Myself? My own dependency on comfort and an overstuffed belly–constantly?

Adoption has a much greater purpose than the escape of material poverty.Caring for the basics needs of humanity is a beginning. In fact, it’s a foundational act of love as a Christian. It should be the very least thing that we do — it may not be in the form of adoption, but there are plenty of ways to care for the poor.

Giving and caring for the poor, the orphans, and the widows is not just answering a call, but a command. The very thought of giving into my fears and halting the adoption where we stand only puts a deeper unrest in my spirit.

I read the stories of others who have adopted before me and how the transition is going in their family and I wonder if I can really do this? Why do I want to upset this perfect little family thing we have going on?

Because we were never meant to live a life of comfort; and being this comfortable is making me very uncomfortable. God has put in us a stirring for something greater than ourselves and to ignore it leaves me very unsettled.

And all these feelings of fear and inadequacy and thoughts of discomfort are fleeting. They do not last. But they try to taunt me. They laugh at me and poke at me. But I continue on because I know God is bigger then them and bigger than me.

We aren’t adopting to fill some void in our lives. I couldn’t even tell you at this point all the reasons we are adopting because God simply hasn’t unveiled everything yet! But I trust Him. And this is where the faith walk comes in–because though I don’t know what lies ahead, I know He goes before me.

The obvious reasons are that we want to love a child who needs to be loved and provide for them their basic needs. We want to show Jesus to them and only He can meet them where they need it most. We are simply His vessels.

Can I really do this?

No. But He can.